Let’s Talk About Sex

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I saw a funny commercial during the Super Bowl last year that touched on the all-too-famous question parents often get: “Where do babies come from?”

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Many considered it to be one of the best commercials during the game, and although it was so entertaining, it also probably had to do with the fact that many people could relate to struggling when it comes to talking about sex, especially to our children. When is the right time to start talking about sex to our kids? I believe it should start from day one – as soon as they are asking questions and showing inquisitiveness on the topic; after all, do you want them to search for answers from sources that could be harmful, inaccurate or misleading instead?  Children should be able to trust their parents to protect them and teach them and it’s no different when it comes to sexuality.

This came to light in my life with my daughter and her own child.  I raised my children in an environment where they were encouraged to speak openly on this topic, yet, she still seemed fearful to talk with my granddaughter, Talia, about sexuality at first. When she was pregnant with her second child, Talia asked her, “How did my brother get in there?” My daughter informed her that a stork had put him there. I urged her to be truthful with Talia and build a foundation of trust and openness from the very beginning. I also shared some wonderful books with her written by Logan Levkoff, a sexologist, relationship expert and author who wisely maintains that it’s never too soon to talk to your children about sexuality. Levkoff also stresses that sex is not a dirty word. Understanding that we need to open up and talk about sex when our children are young eliminates the idea of it being “dirty” being embedded at a very early age.

 I have had many speaking events to this day where I’ve been warned about my conservative audience and how I shouldn’t say words like “vulva” or “sex.” When did these become dirty words?  Often times from as early as we could learn to speak.  Think about it: how many mothers would much rather prefer to explain to their daughter that they have a “Twinkle-berry” or “Hoo-Hoo” rather than a vulva. Many of you reading this blog probably just cringed at the idea of even saying the word vulva (no, not Volvo) to your child…then again, I am speaking to empowered Consultants!

I do want to take a quick second here to educate those who are scratching their heads at my choice of wording above. Most of us are used to the term “vagina” when referencing female genitalia; however, this isn’t entirely accurate. The vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus. The word is commonly misused in place of vulva, which denotes the external female genital organs. I challenge all of the women reading this (and especially new Consultants just starting their Pure Romance businesses) to learn more about their bodies so that you can help educate others along the way. You probably didn’t realize you were going to get a quick Sex-Ed lesson, but then again, this blog is entitled, “Let’s Talk about Sex!” Not to mention, how can we be expected to educate our children if we don’t take the time to educate ourselves?

We also need to be honest with our children as they navigate their way through the natural discovery of sexual behavior. Almost every parent has had that moment when they walk in and see their small child exploring and touching themselves, even just sitting there innocently watching cartoons on a Saturday morning! Be careful not to instill shame around this experience. The main lesson to be taught is that of exploring our bodies in privacy and not one of immediate guilt.

Pure Romance Consultants are working to give women permission every day to break free from some of the negative perceptions and feelings someone instilled in them, usually at a very young age. There are also many hand-selected SSS (Sensuality, Sexuality, Survival!) Consultants are trained to take this education to the next level. They are going as far as connecting these women to doctors who are compassionate, caring and informed when it comes to intimacy and cancer.

Education is so important at every age. I’m so proud to see our Consultants working to undo many of the negative behaviors and perceptions carried from childhood; let’s do our part to end the cycle of instilling those old marred belief systems with future generations to come.

 

7 Responses to "Let’s Talk About Sex"

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  1. Jessica L Griess

    December 20, 2013 at 12:48 am

    Wow! Thank you Patty!

    Reply
  2. Sabrina

    December 31, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Patty, I so agree!!! In my almost 6 years as a consultant I have learned so much about myself, I had know idea! Then to be able to pass this knowledge to the woman at my parties & even my family. Its so empowering & I feel so blessed by it. Thanks & I love hearing from Logan at out trainings!

    Reply
  3. Danielle J Tarabiya

    January 1, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    Hi Patty! Thank you so much for this blog.

    What are the criteria for being selected for SSS certification?

    Thank you!

    ~Danielle

    Reply
    • pattybrisben

      January 14, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      Hi Danielle – We’re so happy that you are interested in the SSS Program. We are currently working on a number of updates to this program to include the latest research and information from the medical community to help women maintain intimacy while undergoing cancer treatment. We expect to have updates done by mid-summer and will be communicating to all active Consultants additional information on how you can enter into the program at that time. Thanks – Patty

      Reply
  4. Ivy L. Mckay

    February 12, 2014 at 3:45 am

    I guess issues around consent are important at any age – from what I’ve heard from people who’ve suffered childhood abuse, in several cases the kids tried to talk to adults but were brushed off. It might be better with the current generation but I think it’s important to find a way to tell children that if someone does something they don’t like to them, they can bring that up, but obviously finding the right language is going to be difficult because you don’t want to unnecessarily scare the children. It’s also important to remember that abuse, as with adults, usually happens with someone the child knows and should have reason to trust, rather than a stranger.I think that with any child, if they ask about sex, they should be given biological facts in age-appropriate language, but without too many euphemisms. Someone I know has been using anatomical language with her kid since day one (penis, vulva, etc) in a matter-of-fact way and it seems to be working out really well. Have you read To Kill A Mockingibird? It’s a bit like Atticus Finch’s method with his kids.I guess with older kids things get trickier because they are more likely to have sexual thoughts and feelings of their own and that’s harder to talk about, because socially that’s really unacceptable in most places even though it’s completely natural.

    Reply
  5. Margarito W. Copeland

    February 14, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    On Monday, Australia’s first-ever public sex offender register went live but with many arguments for and against such an initiative will it enhance the safety of children or will it cause more problems?

    Reply
  6. Leon O. Henderson

    February 21, 2014 at 3:44 am

    okay or justified. If you are deeply worried that you will be in danger if your parents discover you are sexually active — or your household is already abusive in other ways — please seek out help. You can do that by disclosing what is going on or what you fear may happen to a safe adult at school or your job, a friend’s parent you know is safe or by making a call to your local social services office or police station, if needed.

    Reply