Inspiring Women to Live with Poise, Flair, and Purpose

When It Comes to Sex, We’re Apparently Not That Different

Since the days of the Kinsey report, we’ve been led to believe that men have a far greater appetite for sex than women. Alfred Kinsey, who was America’s first prominent sexologist, published in the late 1940s and early 1950s his survey results confirming that men are aroused more easily and more often by sexual imagery than women.

So a lot of experts were surprised by a recent article from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences website, written in the New York Times, that noted, when exposed to a sexual stimulus, what happens in the brains of female study subjects was just about the same as what happens in men’s.

The study to measure functional MRI results used 61 adult men and women, including bisexual and transgender subjects. All were exposed to sexual images, then were put in an fMRI scanner. What researchers found was that image type — whether it was a picture or a video — was the strongest predictor of differences in which parts of the brain became engaged. Unexpectedly, the weakest predictor was the subjects’ biological sex.

“In other words,” the article states, “when men and women viewed pornographic imagery, the way their brains responded, in the aggregate, was largely the same.”

Now, there’s a scientific basis to this study: If men and women respond to sex (in their minds) in basically the same way, this can give professionals more ways to treat the 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men who, according to the Cleveland Clinic, report problems in their experience of sex.

“Issues of sexual behavior and sexuality are highly associated with mental health, with life satisfaction, even with physiological health,” says Justin Garcia, director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.

Psychotherapist and sex therapist Gila Shapiro, in a 2016 article in the Huffington Post, mentions that “sexuality is a multi-dimensional, complex mix of physiological, interpersonal, cultural, emotional, and psychological factors. It’s important for us to reflect on all these aspects of ourselves and the role they play, as the relationship we have with our sexuality reflects our sexual self-esteem.

“And just as we talk about the value of developing healthy self-esteem, so too, should we be paying attention to developing a healthy sexual self-esteem.”

So it turns out, we’re not all that different in the way we see sex. But if we’ve been taught it’s bad or forbidden, or we feel our bodies are not perfect enough for intimacy, we’ll react in different ways. Taking the stigma out of sex can lead to better sex lives and better self-esteem for everyone!

For more info, check out the Gila Shapiro article on sexuality and self esteem HERE. And read the New York Times article HERE.

When the Big “O” Doesn’t Come (no pun intended) Naturally

If you are one of the lucky ones who has no trouble reaching orgasm during sex, good for you. It may be natural, but it might not be easy for everyone—in fact, I’d bet that in your circle of friends, there’s one or two who might admit that they rarely, if ever, have orgasms. But there are ways to make it easier.

An article on the website mindbodygreen.com discusses ten reasons why some women have trouble reaching orgasm—or don’t orgasm at all, and what can be done about it. They include:

  • Not “pre-heating the oven” so to speak. Author Emily Nagoski PhD says, “It still surprises me how many women believe orgasm should just happen, more or less without effort.” She suggests that women worry about not having orgasms during intercourse. “But actually, less than a third of women are reliably orgasmic from penetration alone,” she says. When in doubt, she suggests adding clitoral stimulation from a vibrator or other means.
  • Not taking enough time. It can take from a few minutes to most of an hour to have an orgasm, she says. “Orgasms are like childbirth: They take as long as they take, and each one is different.”
  • Recovering from trauma. One in five women, Dr. Nagoski says, has experienced sexual violence, and it can affect relationships. “Healing from trauma takes patience, self-compassion and opportunities to experience sexual pleasure in contexts where you feel safe inside your own body.” She suggests starting on your own, figuring out what you want and what makes you feel good.
  • Not liking your own body. The problem, Dr. Nagoski writes, is we’ve been taught that only people with perfect bodies are allowed to have sex and if you’re not perfect, too bad for you.

“It takes time and practice to replace those self-critical thoughts with affection for your body, but the benefits extend far beyond having more and better orgasms,” she says.

Adding performance enhancers when you’re getting intimate can also make it more possible for you to reach an orgasm. As Dr. Nagoski suggested, try adding clitoral stimulation from a vibrator during intercourse through the use of a c-ring. Pure Romance also offers enhancement creams like GPS, which enlarges the g-spot and increases sensitivity making it easier to experience a g-spot orgasm through penetration.

The bottom line is, she says, “the best orgasms happen when we surrender in a context of trust, affection, permission, and acceptance of all the things our bodies are and do.” Trust your partner, trust yourself and find out what YOU like. The results can change your life.

Click HERE to read more from the article!

Resolve for more in 2020

So many of our new year’s resolutions have to do with less—I’m going to cut out this, I’m going to quit that. But I’m here to tell you, we should be asking for MORE—especially when it comes to our sex lives!

This is the time when our resolutions should include a better sex life, and sex therapist Dr. Stephanie Buehler at the Buehler Institute says the new year is the perfect time to make those promises to ourselves—and to our partner—to have a better sex life in the new year. Among her seven suggestions are:

  • Be more affectionate. It can be as simple as holding hands on a walk or cuddling while watching TV. “Be generous with loving touch and watch your partner glow,” she says.
  • Try new things, both in and out of the bedroom. That includes new toys, lubes and other unexpected bedroom additions. “Doing new things in the bedroom shows sexual interest and rouses the brain,” she says. “Doing new things out of the bedroom—cooking a new recipe together, visiting a new part of town—also perks up the brain and makes the prospect of sex more fun.”
  • Put your relationship first. It’s hard to do with work and kids, but Dr. Buehler says it’s important to remember who’ll be there when you need support. “When you make decisions about how you will spend your time and your emotional energy, put your lover first,” she says, “and everything else will fall into place.”

A new year gives us a time to reflect on the past 12 months and look ahead to the promises of the next 12. One promise you should keep is to reconnect with your partner and have a better sex life. That’ll make the entire year better!

Read more of Dr. Buehler’s suggestions on a better sex life in the new year HERE!

Make the holiday happy for you, too!

Your holiday list should include a very important person—you! Through the gifts, the parties, the travel and the stress, there’s one person you can’t afford to forget—and that’s you and your own well-being. David R. Topor, PhD, reminds us in an online article from Harvard Medical School that “there’s plenty of excitement from seeing family and friends, but also stress, travel, long lines, planning, preparation — and a range of emotions from positive to negative.” Here’s how he suggests you take time out for yourself:

  • Regularly schedule time to engage in self-care activities. This can be yoga, meditation or a hobby you enjoy, he says.
  • Engage in deep breathing or other relaxation skills. Listening to soothing music can help put the focus back on yourself, if only for a few moments.
  • Monitor your stress level. Dr. Topor says the best way to do that is write down how you’re feeling when something (or someone!) stresses you out. Is it a particular person? Is it an uncomfortable situation? If you feel your stress is high, he says to take time out for a walk or yoga, or even watching a favorite TV show. It can calm you down and remove the stress.
  • Being present around the presents. This is a special time of the year, and sometimes we have to remind ourselves of that! “Take notice of the smells, sounds, and sights of the holidays,” he says. There’s a reason why we prepare for the holidays, so take a moment to enjoy them.

Remember, the best gift you give your loved ones this season is yourself! Take a little time look around, take a deep breath and enjoy the holidays! Want to read the rest of Dr. Topor’s suggestions on taking care of yourself? Check it out HERE! And from all of us at Pure Romance, have the happiest of holidays!

Back again this year–It’s Patty’s Favorite Things!

It’s the most exciting time of the year when I get to share with you some of my favorite things! These are items that I personally love, and I think you will, too. They will help you sparkle, shine and feel great this holiday season, and make terrific gifts for your loved ones. Ready to check out some of my favorite things? Here’s a few of them, including:

Anything Kendra Scott: I absolutely love their necklaces and jewelry, and they are so supportive year-round of the Patty Brisben Foundation. Pick out a fabulous necklace for a gift, and get one for yourself! See the entire line at kendrascott.com.

Spice Professors: This is a little gem of a store I found in New York City. Their small business specializes in gourmet spices, loose teas and hard to find specialty spices. They have gift collections to delight the food connoisseur on your gift list and you’ll love their variety! Shop now at spiceprofessors.com.

Dirty French: You know I love all our Pure Romance products, but Dirty French is something I’ve worked on for quite some time. I wanted to create a fragrance that was sexy, sultry and reflected a woman’s passion for life and love, and I think Dirty French is all of that! Ask your consultant about Dirty French and look at our entire line at pureromance.com.

These are just a few of my favorite things (sounds like a song lyric, doesn’t it??) and there are so many more I can’t wait to tell you about. We are already 2 days in but we have so much more to giveaway! Everyday, we’ll reveal one of my favorite things each day on my Facebook page, and you’ll have the chance to win that day’s item. Then once we’ve revealed the entire list, you might win every one of my favorite things! Get the details on our fabulous giveaway on my Facebook page, and from my family to yours, happy holidays and happy shopping!