“A Body Too Old for Making Love…”
An expert on my panel for The Patty Brisben Foundation for Women’s Sexual Health recently sent an article to me called, “He Said Her Body Was Too Old For Making Love. This Is Her Response.” I was astounded. I don’t want to share my personal thoughts until I hear all of yours. I want your real opinions, honest and straightforward. After I’ve read through all of your comments, I will share my point of view.
I’ve also sent this article to two other experts who have worked with Pure Romance for many years, Dr. Ian Kerner and Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, to get their personal feedback and will include their thoughts in my upcoming blog.
I look forward to hearing what YOU think about this! And don’t hold back!
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I really feel sad that this woman had to face such criticisms. We should love our bodies for the amazing things we accomplish with them. I find it truly sad that this man would be so happy with everything else about her but her body turned him off. I can understand not being fully attracted, but to tell her to hide her body or to change things about herself is just asinine. If he did not find her attractive, he should have never agreed to go away for the weekend in the first place.
I have become a woman who is respected for mind, thoughts, words, and actions. Whose physical appearance was once nice but aging with time. I know the difference between love and sex, the used and the users. Between life and death, between incarceration and freedom. I have also developed a careful eye learning the difference between good and evil so to address this topic I must say each day I have to be silent with myself at some point each day. Listening to my own thoughts because I believe I am love. The way I walk, talk, and breath. How my skin feels, the way my hair flows through my fingers. If I love myself I believe it doesn’t matter if (he) wants to love or make love to (have sex) with me again. Life is to short…you got to get to living!
ridiculous he is a pig bet he is no spring chicken probably has ed and naturally blame the woman if you truly love someone they are always beautiful to u
Good for her for celebrating her body, a body well worn like a favorite pair of bluejeans. He didn’t deserve her. No one should have to compromise to meet unrealistic expectations.
First,thank you Patty for sharing this article. Women’s body images are so over scrutinized,photoshopped and filled with untruths. As a woman who has struggled with body image throughout my lifetime I am abhorred at the comments,requests and disrespect Dave communicated.
I applaud Robin for her strong convictions and self-love. She is amazing and steps into her power with elegance and poise.
I first signed on with Pure Romance because of the benefits I received from our products and information. As a post menopausal woman, I struggled with intimacy as a result of the physical and emotional changes it can bring. Our products renewed my vitality and mindset.
Thanks to our company I profess at all my parties that sexuality and sensuality are not about size OR age.
Through my Pure Romance business,my goal is to share with millions of women,the importance of loving yourself,your body and and keeping intimacy,vitality and vibrancy in their lives.
It took me a longggggg time to finally be confident in who I am, being a large women. I was married for almost 18 years to an abusive man. With getting help for myself, and learning more about myself…I’m a good person, doesn’t matter what size I am. The real man, Significant other you want in your life, excepts YOU for YOU…I probably just rambled….still to this day, and looking back…I can’t believe I finally found myself again….
Good for her! I don’t want to bash him too much because clearly he’s done it for himself. Women come in all shapes and sizes and that should be celebrated. Women bear the scars of childbirth, carry the joys and sorrows of everyone on their shoulders… celebrate the life that body has and will continue to have! No need to hide it or feel ashamed… ever or for anyone!
No ONE Person should ever make you feel LESS than who you are! Many of us feel and believe that our outside is a reflection of how we feel on the inside and that is definitely not always the case! We need to Inspire ALL ages that Beauty-regardless of Age lies within US!
I had a man leave me for a younger woman and have always felt it was due to what my body looked like. Those feelings are hard to overcome, but I met someone (my husband) who helped me with that and loved me for who I was and how I looked. I became pregnant later in life and that took its toll on my body….caused thyroid problems which in turn caused me to gain weight and I am no longer the size I was when I met my husband and now my husband no longer cares to look at me or be with me sexually and will make up every excuse imaginable. It is so very hurtful. So I keep my clothes or PJ’s on and cover it all up…but what came from that pregnancy is a little person who loves her mama with all her heart and who tells her mama everyday that she is beautiful. And that is worth more than anything my husband can ever offer. I have to remember my body is the life I have lived….it is mine and it is a road map and I would never change that for anyone. If my husband does not like it….that is now his problem and he will have to deal with it…me I’m completely happy being who I am, how I am and being that little girls mama.
Personally, I think that remark is sad. I am a member of the “older” generation and my husband has never had that thought. Have I aged? Yes. But, with age, I have become more beautiful in his eyes. I see flaws in my body and he sees a woman who has lived. He says the sight of me excites him. We probably have a better relationship then many younger couples. We love unconditionally. We look forward to keeping it exciting and new. We lift each other up and live our lives for each other. Age does not limit us. I excite him and he excites me. We love and we are in love.
I think this article speaks to our culture. We have to be young and tight to be beautiful. It reminds me of a story in Clarissa Pinkola- Estes “Women Who Run With the Wolves ” of the Butterfly Dance in the desert that people line up and wait to see, performed by a nude woman of great age who dances with great passion. We should celebrate our bodies for the world to see, I have earned every wrinkle, roll, fold and age spot on my body and the Great Spirit declares me beautiful!
Therefore I am, that I am!!
oh my goodness… Im ALMOST speechless…and definitely fueled right up!
One thing I am NOT is shocked.
This is, unfortunately, our disposable present world we live in.
This is our instant gratification, dial-a-date, entitled, drive thru window that is only getting more powerful with every click!
Im not sure if I agree with her response 100% as she never launched her Oil Of Olay at him, however I am very excited that she stuck up for her body and all of its hard earned glory! Too many times I hear of how women should behave and dress and how important their appearance is and with everything RIGHT at our fingertips, surgery for weight loss, instant face and butt lifts, online self help courses…. they all are a waste of time and money if you aren’t truly in love with the person who is seeking the help to begin with.
He sounds like a very immature and superficial man. Intimacy comes from the mind and soul. I am 37 and my body is FAR from perfect, and yes, I know that and I am sometimes insecure about that. But my husband loves me for me and loves my body and tells me all the time. A man should boost your ego and boost your self confidence, not condemn you for aging as we all do. Find yourself a good man that loves you for you and loves your body because YOU are in it.
I am a 66-year old woman who is full of life, fun and a healthy sexual appetite. I do admit that sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don’t know what happened to the youthful-looking person I once was, but give myself permission to love the new, improved me! The life experiences I’ve had all compile to make me who I am today and all of those wrinkles and dimples go right along with the package. Fortunately for me, I’ve found a man who appreciates me for who and what I am and who and what I’ve become. He still desires me. After 47 years, he still desires me. Please, never allow someone’s ridiculous judgment of who they think you should be deter the woman that you are. The woman in this story definitely made the right choice to get rid of him.
I am so grateful that she was able to choose her whole self over him. This happens so often it is almost intolerable for me to think of. I am also in this ‘age category’ and have to convince myself that my body is fine. It has served me well. It is not my husband with these issues but me. Internally if feel much younger than my external appearance. Thank you so much for this article.
The good news is she is beautiful and has every right to be proud of every wrinkle and dimple on her body. He is NOT worthy of such an intelligent, precious woman. He is shallow and stuck with the ideals that beauty is only the exterior part of a woman. True beauty comes from within. It is your heart and soul, not your skin and face. I am proud of her for her empowerment and willingness to walk away from someone so shallow. I pray that she will find someone that looks at her inner beauty!
Wow! all I can say is wow this guy really screwed up and lost a gem of a woman. As a powerful woman after coming through “life” with scars and imperfections, I was lucky to find a man that loves me for who I am. I am also a “chunkalicious” woman and for years struggled to feel better about myself. They say with age comes wisdom and I also believe acceptance. I would not change one thing in my life for as hard as it was, it made me the person I am today and I can honestly say that I LOVE the woman I have become. Congratulations for this heroic woman to see her value and worth. I hope all women can!
Anyone who is dating or with someone who cannot accept that their body isn’t perfect needs to high-tail it right out the door. Nobody is perfect whether it be through looks or personality. We are human. We are imperfect. End of story. Pop culture seems to think that if you are imperfect, you are not lovable or desirable – which is COMPLETELY backwards! Be yourself and embrace every imperfection and do not let ANYONE think you are less than awesome!
This does not suprise me one bit. Men think we should all look and act a certain way. Not all men though. If your partner does not accept everything about you including every inch of your body then you do not need them in your life.Period! I wonder how how they would feel if we said the same to them. You disgust me and you need to hide your body so I can get aroused. And your penis is not like a young man and is wrinkled. I am sure it would really put a damper on there ego. Ladies be happy with yourself and your body because no person is worth changing for.
It has taken me at least 25 of my fifty years to accept myself as a curvy, “thick” fat chick. It used to bother me. Then I met a man that told me that he loved me. ME. Not my big boobs. Not my chubby thighs. ME. The real me. The outside is gravy…the inside is the meat and potatoes. Sadly, a lot of society views a person’s worth by their body size.
Your body is your temple! Not everyone will cherish it the way you do just like not everyone cherishes the pyramids or great castles of the world. I think the best way to take this article is that 1-Dave is a backwards thinker and very uneducated on women and their bodies 2- just because someone doesn’t see you the way you see you doesn’t mean you should change your view of yourself. And 59 is not old!
I think these types of expectations are exactly what fuels a woman’s self-loathing! This man’s expectation of what a real 59 year old woman’s body “should” look like is drastically unrealistic. This woman is healthy and beautiful and strong. I’m proud of her for sharing this with us! As a mental health counselor AND a senior consultant with Pure Romance I get the pleasure of assisting women in these situations all the time. Helping a woman find acceptance and beauty within herself is an amazing part of both of my jobs.
I’m not “old” but can say for the majority of my life do far I feel I wanted my body to be something my partner WANTED.
I don’t think the spontaneous”love” making is something you are too old or your body…assuming it is physically possible for them to that is.
I have always had something with my body I wanted to change. Years I was teased because I was too skinny with no butt or boobs. Now I’m teased because I appear to have a small pooch like my first trimester of pregnancy. Body image is something that haunts me not necessarily because of what I see in the magazines buy because it’s not what I want it to look like.
Our bodies constantly change. It’s accepting that change that can difficult.
Being rejected is an awful thing especially by a spouse. So if her body is old does that mean it still isn’t good enough to be loved, cherished, earned for, and respected? Because that is what making love possesses.
I believe that the man’s words are a reflection of his own insecurities. Many people, men and women, like to project their own insecurities on others. My ex-husband once told me that he would never have sex with a woman who had stretch marks, but because mine were from carrying our children that it was OK. I had 5, barely visible marks. Yes you could count them. I had never heard something like that. I never heard a complaint from anyone that I had dated after him. My current husband is amazing! As we age, we appreciate every line, every gray hair, every pound gained, as part of our journey on this road called life.
I can’t believe the timing of this article because ironically last night I had a nightmare very similar to this. What is ironic is that I consider myself to be very confident of my body even though it is riddled with imperfections. But in my dream I was with a man and he looked at my genitals and said you are too old for me and was completely repulsed. I’m pretty sure I woke up and I remember feeling horrible. I don’t know who the man was in my dream and I don’t know why I dreamt it. But I do know that obviously I need to continue my quest to accept my body. Lucky for me I am with a man who does accept my body fully so it must be me who needs to do the work. Thank you for sharing.
Wow! No one should be so disrespected as this women was……..with age comes all kinds of beauty! Our society has become so “Barbiefied” (new word) that we can’t see the real beauty in women. It’s so sad…….I’m in my 50’s…….and a larger women but I believe that along with the laugh lines, sags and bags of age comes experience! She (we) need to hold our head up high and be proud of what we have………
While I like the empowering take the author lends to this situation, I believe it should be more of a reminder to all women of how beautiful we are at any age. Some of us have extra weight, some of us lack a breast or both, some of us have vericos veins, some of us carry other very visible scars. We need to know our own selfworth is defined by who we are, not by others ungrounded expectations. Partners that see us as unworthy are unworthy partners. Just my two cents. Thank you Patty, for providing us inspiration to be able to change our own lives!
Your body is never too old for making love-no matter the age you are too old to let someone talk to you that way-Once you love yourself enough who needs someone else to make love to you?
I am 50, and I realized how liberating this age is. I am not supposed to look like I did when I was 25! I have 2 kids and a few battle scars because of them, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When you see those few, and I do mean FEW women who look as good at 50 as they did at 25, ask yourself: do you REEEEEALLY want to go there?? Embrace your body, God made you that way.
I loved this woman’s strong response. This is just the kind of empowering attitude we need expose more women to. In our society all people, women especially, have so much of their worth placed on their image and what other people think of them. Many women, myself included, struggle to appreciate themselves and take ownership of our bodies.
Also, this guy is for a rude awakening! Does he just think he’s immune to the features of old age? Oh that’s right! It doesn’t apply to him cause he’s a man! Well, let’s just see what those young ladies that he loves so much have to say about that.
I cried as I read the article. I am 22 years old, I’ve had 2 children back to back. Yes my body some what bounced back but I see my stretch marks where I carried my children and my breast have stretch marks from being filled with milk to nourish my children for 2 1/2 years non stop. I too have questioned my body but my husband has always told me I am beautiful and perfect with everyone one of my “flaws”. I don’t belive there is ever a time you should feel unhappy with the skin you’re in,as your skin is your story and perfect in ever way. I know one day I will wrinkle and it will tell more stories of me raising my children and caring for my home and husband. Life is a beautiful thing unfortunately not everyone sees these wrinkles,roles,& dimples are a story full of life,love,&joy! I will forever be proud of my body as should ever person in this world!
The media bombards us daily with this message- that we as women aren’t good enough. Magazines taunt us with quick ways to lose 10 pounds, get a flatter stomach, erase those wrinkles, cover that gray- if you just do these things, THEN you will be perfect! They often show beautiful women who have been photoshopped, cropped and propped to portray an ideal that is hard to live up to.
Beauty comes in many forms, shapes, colors, sizes and textures. Society needs to be retaught how to savor and appreciate the nuances of the natural body- the gift we all have of a body and a life.
She is the true meaning of beauty, she has loved herself by taking care of herself, being kind to her self as well. I think this is an excellent opportunity for Pure Romance to teach women one party at a time, how to love themselves for who they are and not what others want them to be. Could this be the spark for a new line of amazing products? 🙂
How awful for a man “Dave” to even say something like that. So sad that we live in a world where people pay too much attention to the outside. Never judge a book by its cover. And I agree with exactly how she felt and said to him. Everyone is different. Many women tend to forget who they actually are and tend to be really hard on themselves for not meeting the standards of what society is today. Wear every imperfection with pride! Every imperfection about any individual tells a part of your story. From C-section scar to even stretch marks it’s something to be proud of. Many women would die to have those things. His loss and a coward to even stay around for 3 days. Never change for anyone! Be you! It’s okay! And if anything he reminded her of her worth
This honestly left me speechless! How can a man of HIS age not find a woman who has a body of Goddess at her age attractive?! Is he blind to his own sagging skin?! Does he not notice that things on his body aren’t as taught and firm like they were 20 years ago! It is SO hard in this day and age for women to LOVE themselves, as themselves because of mainstream media. I could only hope that when I reach her age, I will love myself on a level as Divine as hers!
Any man that says a womans body is too old to make love to is setting himself up for a Karmic errectile dysfunction! Talk about “Shallow Hal”….WOW. My s/o says that true love making begins with a connection of the heart, otherwise, it’s just sex. I agree with him.
Men being visual creatures no doubt enjoy a beautiful body. My advice, close your eyes dude….unless you are Mr. Perfect. If that’s the case I guess you don’t need to worry about having the pleasure of making love to a mature partner, you will have your pick of many glorious bodys, minus that heart and soul connection. Trust me, those types of relationships will get old fast!
Just remember, we all age, and someday when Shallow Hal is not so desirable himself, only then will he see the superficial attitude of his youth.
Truly, this article left me speechless. Not only for this mans callousness and selfishness, but for his cruelty.
A woman’s body is beautiful, and her scars and dimples are badges to be worn with honor and pride. All shapes and sizes, colors and cups sizes are lovely to behold. We are sexy beings, it is inherent in our nature, and we can take it to our grave. Truthfulness and confidence are key to being sexy, it’s not just a physical property. It is also a state of mind, how we carry ourselves, our speech, and mannerisms, how we make eye contact, and how we walk…it all exhibits our self confidence or lack of. And THAT determines whether a woman is sexy or not.
There could be an age when a woman’s body is physically incapable of making love, but ‘making love’ is not all physical. That closeness, and sense of togetherness, that connection of being heart to heart, and mind to mind with your partner has everything to do with making love. Age and body have nothing to do with it.
The man that Robin dated is obviously a poor example of manhood, and a selfish man who thinks too highly of himself. I am really sorry this happened to a beautiful, sexy woman. But am grateful that we can all learn from her error. I also think we can learn from her honest and critical exploration of self.
I don’t believe Robin made an error.
This article left me almost speechless. My heart goes out to this woman. She showed
grace towards this man named Dave. She should know that her Time is valuable and so is her self-worth. Dave never did deserve her or earn the right to be with her in that intimate way; even though she may have desired to be close with a warm body. I am glad she found out who he really is – A shallow man who will meet a woman who will NOT show him grace or mercy. Such a beautiful woman that will continue to love all of her in spite of it all.
Truly, this is the key to loving ourselves and validate our self-worth.
I think Robin has shown that no, she is not too old to make love!! I am only 31 and I don’t think my body is anything near beautiful… But outer beauty does not determine the ability or prowess of sex. I am not sexy but I am damn good at sex!! Robin, unlike myself and many other women, accepts her body and acknowledges the journey it has taken her on. I find that amazing and courageous. I say watch out to the man that does take Robin to bed because I think that she may have some moves!!