Reinventing Sex After 40

There’s nothing hotter than the sex you have in the early days of a relationship, or during the honeymoon stage following a new marriage. It’s exciting, adventurous and erotic without even having to try. Yet, as many of us know, after years of juggling the responsibilities of maintaining a home, shuttling our children here and there and working to keep up with the bills, the intimacy factor in our relationships is typically the first thing to suffer.

Instead of perceiving a lull in intimacy as a negative, take this as an opportunity to explore new avenues of pleasure and connection with your partner. This is a chance to rediscover each other and to fall in love (and lust) all over again. Think about it; you maintain your home, your car – yet, what is the last thing you did to maintain your relationship? After all, your relationship is so much more precious than all of these tangible things in life, yet half the time it doesn’t receive nearly as much attention.

The biggest hurdle that many couples face is that they want to spice up their intimate life, but they just don’t know how. I started my company Pure Romance nearly two decades ago to create a resource for women to help them learn new ways to spice up their relationship, explore their sexuality and maintain their sexual health. Here are some great tips on how to get the ball rolling when it comes to achieving the sex life you and your partner deserve.

Pencil in a Little “Me-Time”. This may seem like a contradiction when you’re thinking about jumping back in the sack with your partner. However, the reality is, when you set aside 10 to 15 minutes a day to pamper yourself and feel good, you will feel refreshed and re-energized. Take some time to soak in a bubble bath, paint your toe nails or read a book quietly in a hammock on a nice day. Whatever you decide, the energy you will gain from pampering yourself will give you that extra bounce in your step and in the bedroom.

Rediscover the Power of Touch. Intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about the little moments of affection that create a shared sense of closeness. It’s easy to get caught up in the day and forget how special it can make your partner feel when you reach over and simply touch their hand or rub their neck. Massage is a wonderful way to reintroduce touch into your relationship. Don’t be intimidated– there are all sorts of massage aids available that can take the guess work out of the process. One of my favorite fool-proof massages pairs our soy-based Burning Desire candle with our heart-shaped heat pack, the Hot Heart Massager. This is the closest you can come to a hot stone massage in your home and a whole lot less expensive!

Communication is Key. It’s a huge mistake to think that your partner will think and feel the same as he or she did when you first met them – this also applies to their taste in intimacy. The only way you can find out what their evolving likes and dislikes are is to be able to talk openly and honestly with one another about them. A lack of communication is a surefire way to put distance between the two of you both in and out of the bedroom. If you’re having trouble getting the conversation started try some fun games, like Pure Romance’s Date Night Game, 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights and Coupon Book for Lovers. Or, make a list of 10 things that turned you on when you first met and exchange your lists. Make it a point to do at least one different thing on the list each week and you’ll be surprised how intimate you will become over those next few months.

Mind Over Matter. Have you ever watched your husband mow the lawn or put on a sexy suit in front of the mirror before work, and suddenly felt a sexual trigger of attraction? There are so many cues throughout the day that we can tune into and file away as an arousal tool for intimate encounters later. You can also commit to a positive state of mind regarding the future and the sex life you want to have. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to get to the gym, but how happy you are once you’ve made it there? The same goes for sex and intimacy. If you can’t visualize or commit to what it takes to have an amazing sex life, there is no amount of wishing or hoping that can make it happen for you.

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