Turn a Sex Problem Into a Sexy Solution

What I love about our World Conference each year, is that we all can learn something new from our wonderful speakers. From learning best practices from fellow Consultants to finding out the latest in sexual health research, it’s a chance for all of us to expand our knowledge.

A long-time friend of the Patty Brisben Foundation, Dr. Ian Kerner, author of iankernerShe Comes First, spoke at World Conference about being honest about sexual issues you may face with your partner.

In his words, “take a sex problem and turn it into a sexy solution.”

Here’s how Dr. Kerner describes it: “I work with a lot of my patients who come in and have complaints and issues. I work with them to envision the sexy future, and the sexy solution.

“I’ve worked with thousands of couples over the years,” he said, “and I’ve learned that first impressions are deceiving. You come into the office and the couples may be sexy or may be older, they may be sitting at the center of the couch holding hands, or at opposite ends. You really can’t predict based on just the look or the first impression who’s going to have the greatest potential to succeed in their sex life.

“So I have a series of principles I look for, to see if they embody them already. One of them for maintaining a satisfying sex life is knowing how to take a sexual problem and turn it into a sexy solution.”

Another principle Dr. Kerner looks for is knowing your desire model. “I think we all come into sex sort of expecting that desire is going to be spontaneous. In truth, what science has told us is there’s also a responsive desire model, where you need to generate the arousal to lead to the desire.

“So many men experience spontaneous desire, and many women experience responsive desire. You have to talk about what is your actual desire.”

This is good information for all our Consultants to share with their clients: Talk about what each partner wants in a sexual relationship. This is perhaps the most important part of foreplay.

What have you heard from your clients about their relationships with their partners?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

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