Stuck in a Sexless Marriage?

What determines a sexless marriage? Experts define a sexless marriage as a couple who has sex less than 10 times a year. What many don’t know is that there are an astounding 40 million Americans experiencing sexless marriages today! That’s close to 20% of American couples. Women have been confiding in Pure Romance Consultants for almost two decades on a bevy of topics on sexuality, including sexless marriage. However, I was so excited to see this issue be pushed to the mainstream public on an episode of Good Morning America this week. It’s so great to see that people are finally coming out from behind closed doors and being open and honest about this trend. After this segment aired, there were countless posts on their Facebook and comments on their website from other couples who found themselves in the same predicament and I truly believe that when we open up about these issues it gives others courage to do the same.

What moved me the most about the couple featured on this show was their commitment to identifying their personal issues, and also the husband’s willingness to do whatever it took to get their relationship back on track in the bedroom. In this case, he said he never had a high sex drive to begin with and was dealing with anger and esteem issues associated with unemployment. To make things worse, he had prostate problems that were also affecting sex but didn’t want to incur the medical bills to follow up with it. In spite of all of this, he didn’t want to lose her and the fact that he was willing to put in the work showed his wife that he loved her enough to take whatever steps it took to make it right. Too often nowadays, one or both people give up or try to find the easy way out; at the end of the day it’s work and if you love one another, it’s worth the effort. One of the biggest mistakes people can make is saying “nothing will work” or presume things are supposed to just happen naturally when it comes to intimacy. This can quickly become a self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy.

Think about all of the things we set time aside for in our lives. Many of us make time to improve at work and advance in our jobs, but yet we think that our relationships don’t deserve the same kind of attention? Complacency is one of the biggest intimacy killers. It may not sound sexy to some to have to schedule time for sex but by doing this you are saying to one another that it’s a priority. I loved the Good Morning America expert, Terry Real’s quote that often times it’s not a sex issue, but a “getting into the bedroom issue.” I completely agreed with him that sex doesn’t always have to be the immediate goal, but to start with baby steps by just committing to set time aside in the bedroom to be sensual, touch one another and encourage intimacy. This has been the foundation of Pure Romance’s mission since day one. Our Consultants are encouraging women to empower themselves in and out of the bedroom and to find ways to set time aside or stimulate their intimate relationships, whether it be with something as mild as a massage aid or couple’s game or as adventurous as a bedroom toy. It’s not the products that are improving intimacy – they are simply fun tools that create pleasure and help opening the doors of communication. By sharing each other’s desires and needs couples keeping alive this vital but often overlooked aspect in a long-term relationship.

2 Responses to "Stuck in a Sexless Marriage?"

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  1. Try Toys Direct

    September 8, 2010 at 4:51 am

    Hi Patty, this is a wonderful article, thanks for sharing it. I have a friend who complains of this very thing. I am sending him the link to this article!

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  2. DeCaf

    January 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    My husband and I hadn’t had sex,intimacy,love what ever you call it in since we were married 45 years ago. Thats right 45 years. After the I DOs were done and the wedding night was over sex was gone forever. The next day he move all his things down stairs and built a small apartment. Weve done absolutly nothing together. I guess after the shock and years of depression I finally accepted my fate in life. So here I’m over 40 years later no nothing from husband and totally beaten down.

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