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What Type of Woman Buys Sex Toys?

Let me begin by saying that I had NEVER considered purchasing or even selling a bedroom toy before I saw a panel of women on the Phil Donahue show discussing this business opportunity. It wasn’t until I received my starter kit that I had even held one in my hand! To be completely honest with you, I thought that people who bought one must be those women who strutted fishnet-stockings, who were expelled from church and had no morals whatsoever. WAS I WRONG!

Now, after working with thousands of women across the country, I have realized that the women (even back then) who had owned bedroom accessories (that is what we refer to them as at Pure Romance) were just normal women who understood the importance of knowing what they want and wouldn’t be satisfied until they found it!

When I walk into a room, people tend to pre-judge. They expect to see some floozy walk in, uneducated and willing to spread their legs for every man in the joint. Then when I take the stage to speak to an audience of fellow business professionals, I see the surprise in their eyes. Of course, not everyone assumed that, but there are the select few that sit there in awe.

It is with great pleasure (no pun intended) that Pure Romance has changed the image of intimacy products. Our focus on educating women about their bodies and the importance of open communication with themselves, their doctors and their significant others, that I feel we are truly making this world a better place.

If I collected all the ‘thank you’ letters I have received from women, men, and couples all over the country, I would have enough to wall paper the entire White House. It is because of Pure Romance and the mission of ALL of our Consultants that we have helped countless marriages and relationships.

So when you ask me ‘What type of woman buys a sex toy’, the question really should be ‘Who Wouldn’t’?

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The Pure Romance Story

In 1983, when I became a sales consultant for a company similar to Pure Romance, I was similar to most of the other women in my neighborhood. I was a mother (to the four most beautiful children in the world – no, I’m not biased), living in a nice middle class neighborhood, surrounded by strollers and slip-n-slides. I had the picture-perfect life and was proud of it (insert Olan Mills family portrait 😉 ).

Before I go too far with this perfect life everyone thought I had, let me give you a little background information. I started having children at a very young age. I was 19 when I had my son, Chris. I was married to the man who I thought would love me for the rest of my life; I followed him and his career to Chicago, leaving my home and family back in Cincinnati.

From Chicago we headed to Baltimore, again following my husband’s career. When Chris was one and a half, I became pregnant with my second son, Nick. As if having a one-year old scooting around the house sticking his fingers in every electrical socket and pregnant again wasn’t difficult enough, I had a husband who was a workaholic. But who was I to complain, he gave me a great life with all the necessities to raise a family.

I thought I had it all!

However, my life wasn’t as golden as I thought. It wasn’t long after that my husband walked out on me and my children explaining to me that he wanted to be with someone who would someday be ‘successful’. I remember that feeling of shock, horror, confusion, sadness, anger; you name it, I felt it.

It was at that point that the cliché phrase that I heard so many times became my mission and I lived for it…just 10 basic words – ‘If it is to be, it is up to me!’.

Fortunately (if there was an upside to this part of my life), we had moved back to Cincinnati a few months prior, so I had my friends around to support me. It wasn’t long after; desperate for help and attention I met my second husband. He loved my children as much as I did and helped around the house; he had everything I needed to have a stable home and someone to help me raise my kids. Two more wonderful children later (Matt and Lauren) and we were living that picture-perfect life I mentioned earlier. Or so it always seems to everyone on the outside.

It wasn’t long after my fourth child was born, my daughter Lauren, that I was on leave again from my job as a nurse to four pediatricians. Lauren was taking a nap and I just happened to turn on the Phil Donahue show. He had a panel of women who all did home parties and sold …sex toys. WHAT?!?

I was fascinated and needless to say it struck a chord. I was intrigued by how empowered these women were and could certainly relate to their desire for financial independence. I was tired of being owned by corporate America. These women had the chance to spend quality time with their families. They worked the days that they wanted to and could make as much money as they wanted depending on the number of parties they held. WOW!

I called the number on the TV that day and ordered a Kit. Unbeknownst to my husband (or myself for that matter) I was about to embark on a new journey. One about me and my future; one that would lead me to where I am today. Educating and empowering women to take control of their lives. To not settle for less than they deserve, to dream big and to share the opportunity with as many women as possible.

Through my parties I had the opportunity to speak with women one-on-one in the ordering room. These women confided in me and told me about issues they were experiencing in their relationships; from lack of communication to the challenge of balancing work, children, and sexual intimacy.

I, too, have had personal challenges to overcome within my relationships and I found that sharing my experience may help others when it comes to their own. After 14 years, my husband and I felt it was best to go our separate ways, but I am happy to say we still have an amicable relationship.

When writing my book, I shared many of these experiences and life lessons that I have learned both at my parties and as well as working with doctors and therapists. My goal is to capture real life and approach it with a no-nonsense approach to improving women’s health, intimate lives, and ultimately give women the courage to work toward more fulfilling relationships.

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Going Back To The Basics

I was watching Good Morning America the other day and they were interviewing one of the cardiothoracic surgeons featured on the new hit TV series, Hopkins (better known as the real-life Grey’s Anatomy). He was talking about his personal relationship with his wife, and they were on the verge of their marriage falling apart, ready to file for divorce, but then something happened. Though I don’t know the details and I am sure they made many attempts to save their marriage over the years, he had an idea that seemed to work this time … they decided to ‘go back to the basics’.

The basics of beginning to date: what made them fall in love in the first place, the excitement of holding hands for the first time, the butterflies before your very first kiss, you know, the ‘basics’. I thought about what he had to say, and I couldn’t have said it better myself. And simply put, that is what I tried to cover in my book, the basics.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etlh8EF6QH8]
    Sex Education Film Circa 1960’s

As I think about the basics, I think about going back to the beginning. When I was an adolescent, people didn’t talk about sex. My Sex Ed course (similar to the video above) involved a lesson on what a period was and how to put on a pad. I can’t even recall learning information on the male anatomy. As far as sex was concerned, I clearly remember my mother telling me that the only thing I should know is not to have intercourse until I was married. If I got pregnant before I was married I would be an embarrassment to the family, not to mention my father would kill me. Literally, I thought my father would kill me!

There was no talk about Sexually Transmitted Diseases. There was no information about how to have intimate relationships when you ‘grew up’. I remember reading a Cosmo article with a girlfriend of mine. We laughed about what we read and then took it to my grandmother to ask her questions.

We asked, “when you make love, what is most comfortable?”; she responded, “Oh girls, the best advice I can give you is to just pull your skirt up over your head so that you don’t have to watch.” It was like women were victims and had no control.

We then asked “What do you say when you are doing it?” with that she responded, “Oh, don’t say anything at all and try to get it over with quickly”. I remember wondering, was it that bad? It sounded borderline abusive.

You have to remember back then, the internet didn’t exist. Friends had stories from older siblings or cousins and we thought we knew it all. My friend Leslie told me once that her grandfather always told her, “Every generation thinks they invented the blow job”, and come to think of it, he was right. I remember learning about what oral sex was from a friend of mine who told me it was the ‘new cool thing to do, and if you wanted the boys to like you, you had to do it!’.

Needless to say, there is good information and there is bad information. There is information that is right for some and wrong for others. The most important thing is knowing you and figuring out what is right for you. Because even though Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda were all friends in the city, I am pretty sure they all wanted different things in their relationships. Every woman is different and we need to embrace it.

In my book I talk about going back to the basics. Figuring out what it is that turns you on, self-exploration, knowing your body and your desires – because ultimately until you know that information, you can’t have a healthy relationship with anyone!

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