You are the Sun

As we head into the month of romance, and my grandchildren begin to think about what paper valentines they should choose for their class party and couples secure flower bouquets and dinner reservations, I begin to think about love and relationships! Our lives revolve around our relationships, some of them romantic, those that we have with our family, friends, co-workers and others, those that are complicated and those that are simple. My thoughts reminded me of a question I had asked myself many years ago: “Why do we have such different experiences when it comes to our relationships?”

For me, the answer always comes full circle…every one of my relationships is a reflection of myself and the love that I have for myself. Just as the Earth orbits the Sun because of the pull of the Sun’s gravity, I pull others to me depending on the positive or negative energy that I am transmitting. You can only imagine how difficult it was for me to come to this revelation, and the moment I realized this I knew that I had to start doing some soul-searching to learn more about me. It might sound silly, but really, I did not know me as well as I thought I did! I believe that to truly love yourself, you have to fully recognize not only your good qualities, but also those areas that are holding you back from attracting healthy relationships.

Have you ever noticed how we sometimes tend to attract the same type of person over and over and cannot figure out why? Or have you ever looked to others to make you happy … only to realize later that no one can make you happy except yourself? We often send out signals like a radio tower, calling those who are similar to ourselves to join us on our journey—and then halfway down the road, we wish we had invited someone else. If this sounds familiar to you, you may want to ask yourself: what do you want to attract, and why do you think you may not be attracting it? If we aren’t attracting the type of people who we want by our side for the long haul, it might be time to look within and start loving you from the inside out!

Failing to love ourselves can definitely have consequences. For those of you who have been indulging in the latest series of The Bachelor, you probably remember a scene where one of the bachelorettes was unloading some serious emotional baggage on her first date. The whole interaction gave me terrible anxiety. All I could think was how much pain she was in over her last break-up. Clearly, she had not taken some much-needed time to reflect and identify all of her great qualities so she could regain her strength and confidence as a woman who loves herself first and invites others to be part of her life second. If she had put herself first, the episode might have turned out much differently. Now that she has moved on from The Bachelor, I want to believe that she found the inner strength that we all possess, to stay true to herself and never stray from her desired path. I have been just like her, and I bet some of you can also relate. But today, I have embraced the joy that each of my relationships add to my life, and they are more meaningful than I could have ever dreamed. How did it happen? I chose to love and respect my whole self—and by doing so, I gave myself permission to love and respect others. I am not claiming that the process was easy at first. It took commitment and practice.

Not everyone readily embraces their best qualities, nor easily identifies the negative debris that they are mirroring. Once I had, I needed some daily reminding for a while until it came naturally, so I wrote down my good traits and items I needed to work on, and posted where I could constantly see it (my sun-visor and bathroom mirror).  This is a great first step to fostering self-love and self-acceptance and being the nucleus of your universe.

Jewel wrote a beautiful song I want to share with you called “Stronger Woman” that sums this up perfectly. I love how she talks about being her own best friend, and I hope it inspires you.

There is so much truth to the saying “Love is grand,” and healthy love begins with you.

Now that we are on the road to loving ourselves, I want to gather around and talk about our first loves. I thought it would be fun to learn more about each other by sharing a series of love stories for the Valentine’s Day season—and to start the first chapter, I am interested in hearing about your first love! Everyone has a first love, and I’m curious: do you ever wonder about him or her? Do you think they ever wonder about you? Please take some time to comment, and at the end of the series of comments, I will fill you in on my first love, too!