Patty Brisben

This time of year, the focus seems to be couples doing wonderful things during the holidays—watch TV any night and you’ll see an ad where couples are buying each other jewelry, cars and, yes, even exercise bikes. But what if you’re a single instead of a couple? Actually, this time of year can be a lot less stressful and more fun, for one.

In an article for meetmindful.com, Chelli Pumphrey, a love and dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor, has some reminders for anyone who may be single during the holidays. “If you find yourself struggling with your single status over the holidays, shifting your mindset can help you cope,” she says.

To make the holidays fun for one, she suggests:

• You can embrace freedom. When you’re single, she says, you don’t have to figure out how to share time with two (or more) families or traditions. “You can do what makes you happy,” she writes. “Why not take a trip somewhere alone? You can create a new tradition for yourself.”
• You can be your own date. If you’re invited to a party, don’t shy away from going, go it alone. “Own your single status,” she says, “and who knows who you might meet!”

Mydomaine.com also has reasons why you can be single during the holidays and love it, including:

• You don’t have to worry about meeting anyone else’s expectations (like answering the ‘when are you getting married?’ question).
• You can go back to your home town and simply enjoy it, rather than having to play host.
• You can decorate your home as little, or as much as YOU want.
• You don’t have to stress over what to get your partner’s extended family for the holidays. Instead, they suggest, use that money to treat yourself.

So, don’t be afraid to be single and mingle your way through the holidays—it can be great fun! And if you decide to dip your toes into the dating pool after the new year, circle January 5, 2020 on your calendar—dating websites say the first Sunday of the new year is the busiest for those looking for love on line!

To read more tips on being single during the holidays, here’s the link to the full article from Meet Mindful HERE and from My Domaine HERE!

We love our thousands of Consultants who are the CEOs of their own companies and are their own bosses. But did you know that being your own boss can give a boost to your sex life as well?

A story on practicalintimacy.com by Jodie Milton offers some productivity hacks that not only can help you organize your own company, but improve your sex life as well. As we all know, being your own boss means you can set your own hours, but sometimes those hours can mean early mornings or late nights or, worst of all, up to bedtime!

The article suggests using some of your organizational skills that are so successful for you in business and translate them to your love life, including:

• Turn off the alerts on your phone. Not only will that allow you to concentrate while you’re doing work, it also lets you concentrate in the bedroom, as well, without having annoying “dings” go off at an inopportune time!
• Think about why you like to have sex! We talk a lot about your “why” in business, and it works with relationships as well. “Get clear on why you have sex, what it gives you and how it feeds your relationship,” Milton says. “This simple hack to improve your sex life is like rocket fuel for motivation and desire.”
• Get rid of your “to do” list and start scheduling instead. Milton suggests scheduling items in your calendar, then treat them as non-negotiable—like scheduling a doctor’s appointment. That includes your business items as well as your sex life. “With a little creativity and an open mind, scheduling sex can become the bedrock of your sex life,” she says. “Schedule it, and make it happen. It might seem weird at first, but once you get started, you’ll improve your sex life in ways you can’t yet imagine.”

There are many advantages of being your own boss and owning your own business—being able to use these life/business hacks to improve productivity in the bedroom AND in your business is one of the best perks you can have!! Read more tips about improving your business and sex life HERE!

We’re in the holiday spirit now, with Thanksgiving here and so many holiday parties coming up. Specifically, the Thanksgiving dinner—and not just because we have our friends and family gathered around the table with us. Did you know that many of our traditional Thanksgiving foods are really aphrodisiacs?

It’s true, according to an article on yourtango.com, which lists seven holiday foods that can get your blood flowing and your mood showing before the end of the last football game. Let’s start with that traditional favorite, pumpkin pie. According to Alan Hirsch, a neurologist at Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, the aroma of pumpkin pie increases blood flow to the penis by 40 percent—even more so if it’s combined with the smell of lavender (although I’m not sure how that would taste).

Another aphrodisiac at the table? Oysters, which we’ve heard about for years as being a mood-setter. The reason, experts say, is the zinc in oysters that helps with testosterone production in both men and women.

Another holiday tradition? Red wine, which is rich in resveratrol, an antioxidant. A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information showed that levels of sexual desire were higher in women who were moderate drinkers of red wine.

There are more foods that will kick up your desire that probably are regulars on your Thanksgiving table—if not, there’s still time to shop! Read about the sexy Thanksgiving foods HERE  and the study on red wine HERE.

And while we’re giving thanks, we want to thank our staff, our Consultants and their clients, along with all of you who have donated to the Patty Brisben Foundation over the past year. If you’re in the Cincinnati area, stop by Pure Romance on Tuesday, December 3 for our annual Shop and Sip benefiting the Patty Brisben Foundation and get LOTS of your holiday shopping done! And a Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

We’re getting into the rush of the holidays where we’re starting to ramp up the parties, the travel and the celebrations of getting together with friends and family. But how about using this time to reconnect with your partner?
An article from journalist Maria Shriver’s newsletter and written by Dr. Emily Morse reminds us that no matter how much we might love our partner, we notice that the honeymoon period is over and the day-to-day takes over. “Maybe you’re wondering why it seems harder to get in the mood,” Dr. Morse says. “Don’t worry! This is all completely normal and you can easily get back to a close, loving and passionate place.”

Dr. Morse has five tips to help us get reconnected with our partners, starting with reconnecting with ourselves. “When we’re feeling less connected to our partners, especially in the bedroom, it often means we’ve lost a little connection to ourselves,” she says. “Take some time to do something that relaxes you, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath or having an interrupted glass of wine (or two).”

After that, she says it’s time to start paying attention to your partner, including:

• Put the phone away “It’s been said that the average person checks their phone over 60 times a day,” Dr. Morse writes, “and that people who bring their phone to bed are two times more likely to engage with their phone than their partner.” Instead of scrolling through social feeds, she suggests spending that hour before sleep just being with your partner. “You’ll start to feel more connected when you unplug.”
• Prioritize your relationship “We often forget to actually take the time to prioritize our relationship, especially when children are added to the mix,” the doctor says. “You might be parents, but you’re also lovers, remember that. Talk with your partner about ways that you can prioritize intimacy in your relationship, and take some time for yourselves.”

No matter how you do it, reconnecting with your partner takes communication and conversations, and what better way to do it than during the holiday season? It’s a good reminder for all of us to take the time to stop, reconnect and enjoy each other along with the holidays. Who knows where this new reconnection can lead—perhaps a second honeymoon??

By the way, Dr. Morse has two more suggestions for reconnecting with your partner, and you can read the entire article HERE.

The message from a survivor of the Larry Nassar abuse case

.                                                                                    Former gymnast Sarah Klein knows first-hand the anguish of sexual assault. She was one of the first known victims of Dr. Larry Nassar, the former USA Gymnastics national team doctor now serving life in prison after more than 300 women came forward with their own stories of sexual abuse.

Sarah will be the special guest for the Patty Brisben Foundation’s #sexualhealthmatters conversation, “Sexual Health Following Trauma,” on Tuesday, November 12 at 6 p.m. at Northern Kentucky University’s Student Union Building. Sarah, who stayed anonymous through most of the Nassar trial until victims’ statements, talked with us about her recovery from sexual abuse and how she is helping other women who have faced similar trauma.

“I chose to stay anonymous because the relationship I had with Larry Nassar was incredibly personal, starting when I was just eight years old,” she said. “He was like a member of our family. To learn that someone I’d loved and trusted for nearly the entirety of my life had been performing ‘treatment’ on me – not for medical purposes but for his own sexual pleasure – was needless to say, shocking.”

“The entire paradigm of my life collapsed instantly and it took me some time to decide to come forward publicly. I needed my victim impact statement to be between me and Larry. It was incredibly empowering to speak my truth, though it was also deeply sad. There was so much pain in that courtroom.”

Sarah, who is now an attorney and consultant, often speaks with other trauma survivors who reach out to her. “The first thing I say to a survivor who discloses their abuse to me is, ‘I believe you and it’s not your fault.’ There is absolutely nothing that can justify another person touching our bodies without our permission.”

“For so long there has been such a stigma around sexual abuse. Society taught survivors to be embarrassed, to hide, to stay silent. That silencing leads survivors to believe they did something wrong, that they should be ashamed. I think in the last two years or so, we have been able to flip that script. Speaking up is brave. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.”

She also is working to get legislative protection for abuse survivors, who often wait too long to report their abuse. “My primary focus is on extending (or ideally abolishing) statutes of limitations for child sexual abuse,” she said. “The average age of reporting child sexual abuse is 52 years old. 52 years old! Why? For that exact reason I described above – shame, embarrassment, guilt. Survivors have often harbored their pain alone, and walked through life carrying this secret. They turn to alcohol and drugs, and often suffer from depression, anxiety and nightmares.”

“When the body and psyche simply cannot take it any more (around middle age), they disclose. And by the time they disclose, they often have no criminal or civil recourse. Right now, the arbitrary statutes of limitations protect predators. It is time to turn that around and ensure that the law protects victims, not their abusers.”

To that end, Sarah feels her mission is helping survivors take back their lives, and take control of their futures after abuse. “There is a big beautiful light on the other side of early childhood trauma or any kind of abuse. How or why we were abused is something we may never have answers to,” she said. “For so long – Larry Nassar held the power. But if we do not step into our lives and live up to our endless potential, Larry still holds the power.”

“So my advice is to take their power back. Find meaning in their suffering. For me, helping others walk through this and out the other side is that meaning. I love what I do, I love the people in my life, I awake each day with a grateful heart in spite of everything I’ve been through. Because that’s what I choose. I choose to not simply survive. I choose to thrive. Every survivor has that choice to make.”

“To every survivor out there, I pose this question: How will you rise?”

Sarah will be the special guest panelist for the #sexualhealthmatters conversation presented by the Patty Brisben Foundation on Tuesday, November 12 at 6 p.m. at Northern Kentucky University’s Student Union. Tickets are free, and space is limited. To reserve your ticket, click HERE.