Inspiring Women to Live with Poise, Flair, and Purpose

Return of the Sex Kitten

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There’s nothing sexy about breast pumps, pacifiers and stepping over toys on the way to the bedroom. As a mother of four, I know parenthood is one of the most amazing blessings life can offer, but I also know you have to work that much harder to make sure your relationship is getting the attention it deserves. We are so focused on the children, and understandably so. But it’s SO important to still feel sexy and feel like a woman again. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to boost your self-confidence and get out of the post-baby funk many of us often drift into before we even know it’s happening. It can be scary to break out of the routine, but it’s that adrenaline that will fuel your intimate life and get the fire going again, I can promise you. Until you change the game, it’s not going to happen on its own.

We are creatures of habit. If we don’t get out of our comfort zone and force ourselves to try new things, that’s when we end up getting into that ho-hum boring rut. It’s up to us to work to make things new and challenging – and I mean that in the most positive way. I’ve walked in your shoes. It won’t change on its own – in fact, it will be very uncomfortable before you can find yourself again!

We were raised to believe that men are knights on a white horse who are going to save us and solve all of our problems. Sometimes you have to be your own savior. You have to set the bar. If you want something, don’t wait for it to come to you, go after it!

In relationships, sometimes it seems like all of the pressure is on women to be seductive, but this shouldn’t be the case. You should both be working to improve intimacy. And here’s the thing: once you take that first step, I promise you that it will create a (very pleasurable) domino effect. Your partner will notice something is different and begin creating new responses among old behaviors.

When kids are involved, men also can worry about “rocking the boat,” or coming off as needy when you have your hands full with the children. Taking initiative and showing him that you see your relationship with him just as important is the first step to reconnecting and being on your way back to a second honeymoon.

Below are a couple fun game-changers that will get you started…(don’t feel like every single suggestion has to be a perfect fit for you!)

1. There’s nothing sexier than cooking a meal together! (This is one of my favorites!)

2. Throw on a pair of sexy high heels once in a while

3. Sometimes it’s hard to open up to one another – play any one of the Pure Romance “Date Night” games to open the doors of communication and also try something new

4. Stop by the makeup counter next time you’re at the mall and have a professional demo a brand new look on you that will make him feel like he’s seeing you for the first time!

5. Wear a wig – in or out of the bedroom…

6. Take story time to a whole new level by reading him some erotica

7. Slip on a long strand of pearls with only a silk top and thong (or nothing at all); think Carrie in Sex and the City, the movie.

8. When you get up and move, you feel better; get active – whether it’s a “Pole Dancing” class, yoga or other fun/sexually-charged fitness (think Zumba) classes that will also get you feeling wonderful (and sexy!) in your own skin again

9. It’s no secret men are visual. One night, tell him where to meet you and show up wearing something completely unexpected.

10. Plan a party with your closest girlfriends and include a hair stylist, makeup artist fashion stylist, and Pure Romance Consultant and do a group makeover!

New York Fashion Week

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Many Pure Romance Professionistas reading this have had the pleasure of meeting my favorite Saks Fifth Avenue Personal Stylist and Pure Romance Professionista Stylist, Emily Wall. This month, Saks Fifth Avenue surprised both of us with a short getaway to New York City for world-famous New York Fashion Week!

Anytime I travel with Emily to New York, it always promises fun-filled days. Although I’ve been to the “city that never sleeps” many times over the years, I continue to challenge myself to stay a student and learn something new during every visit there. It’s not hard to do in a city that is so vibrant and alive with culture, fashion, inspiration and drama. My latest passion is using platforms like Instagram and Facebook to take my family and Pure Romance Consultants “along with me” on every journey. Each photo I take, I think about how it might inspire our Consultants, help our company grow or provide insight to a friend or family member down the road.

When we first set foot in New York, we headed straight for my favorite lunch spot, Todd English at The Plaza Hotel. I always order their amazing sushi, and I also shared some of Emily’s gluten free pasta (top of my list on the menu if and when you ever visit there).  Afterwards, we returned to our beautiful hotel, Langham Place on Fifth Avenue. I absolutely LOVE this hotel – remember Cheers, when you walk in and everyone knows your name? It was just like this; how every single staff member remembers who you are and greets you every time you walk in is completely astounding. The customer service was unmatched and was truly a home away from home.

Another highlight of the trip was a stop by Piranesi (world-famous jewelry “designers for the Stars”) – I’m very proud to share that they are currently designing pieces for Pure Romance as we speak, but you’ll have to wait to learn more! Piranesi owners and husband and wife, Sami and Miriam and their son, and Piranesi designers and engaged partners, Reagan and Teddy, took us to a renowned seafood restaurant called Estiatorio Milos in Midtown Manhattan. The restaurant is famous for its fresh fish, which is flown in from all over the world. The best way to describe it was like having access to a fish market inside the restaurant but WITHOUT the odor.  The fish was unlike anything I’ve ever tasted in my whole life!

That night when I returned to my room, a surprise was waiting for me: Cincinnati and New York Saks Fifth Avenue stores had delivered a vase of beautiful white roses, my favorite Joe Malone candle and lotion and Christian Louboutin nail polish. I’m often the one surprising everyone so it was a nice treat to walk in to such an unexpected gift. I felt like a giddy young girl again calling Emily, and taking photos of everything to remember the experience.

I can’t end this blog without talking about fashion. My favorite show by far was the Carmen Marc Valvo Runway Show. I had runway front row seats and was 15 feet from where they actually walked out to the runway. It literally took my breath away – when I watch Fashion Police in Los Angeles last month, they talked about how runway clothing goes through many variations by the time it hits the clothes racks in day-to-day retail. I could see first-hand how this happens because some of the dresses on the runway were made with sheer fabrics and beautiful raw materials you just don’t see on the street every day. Although the show was at 2:00 p.m., it was just as fun to watch the buzz and crowd bustle around Lincoln Center before the show – fashion-forward people from around the world were gathered together to showcase their creations and there was suddenly a mini pre-fashion show before the real one even began.

I also had the chance to visit the St. Johns showroom and enjoy my very own 2015 buying experience. I’m so thankful to Saks Fifth Avenue for this wonderful trip that I will never forget. Sometimes in life, we have to look for new “firsts.” We have to step outside the box and look for experiences that change our lives, no matter where we are in our lives. You have to make things happen and not wait for them to happen. At least a handful times a year, I challenge all of you to try things that you would never imagine, keep a bucket list and then JUST DO IT, because life is short. To have this new experience this past month, I wouldn’t trade it for everything. I LOVED IT!

Pure Romance Mantra

Dr. Krychman is a renowned doctor of sexual medicine, a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist, and a clinical sexual counselor and author. He has devoted his career to helping patients and their partners overcome sexual health challenges and experience a higher quality of physical intimacy. Dr. Krychman is also a specialist in survivorship medicine and provides life coaching and care plans to optimize the health and wellness of patients with chronic diseases or cancer. We were very fortunate to have him speak at our World Conference here in Cincinnati, Ohio, this past August. Please scroll down to read his full biography.

Below is a wonderful “mantra” he recently shared with me that helps keep you and our customers focused on the importance of fostering intimacy in our relationships, and as an acronym for PURE ROMANCE, it should be pretty easy to remember!

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P          PLEASURE

Focus on sexual pleasure rather than performance

Take your time

U         UNDERSTANDING

Listen to your partner

Understand and accept your own sexual needs

R         ROMANCE

Sensual intimacy and romance can be rekindled – send love notes/text and fall in love all over again

E          EXCITEMENT

Novelty is sexy

Try something new – new sexual location, position or time of the day to be intimate

 

R         RELAX

Daily stress is a sexual buzz kill

Sex need not be a quick event – take your time

O         OUTERCOURSE

Sexual activity is not only intercourse – enjoy sensual foreplay, oral pleasure and explore all your erogenous zones

M        MINDFULNESS

Staying focused and concentrating on your own sexual response can help improve it.

Try yoga, mindfulness or meditation

A         ACCESSORIES

Lubricants, vibrators, c-rings, feathers and sexual games can enhance and excite

N         NAUGHTY and NICE

Vary sexual behavior, positions and locations – sex should be hot, erotic and sensual

C         CHECK UP   

Be sure to see your health care professional. Sexuality is both medical and psychological.  Medical cause of sexual problems due to hormonal imbalance, medical illness, and medications can impact the sexual response and can be treated by a sexual medicine specialist

E          EQUALITY

Fight for equality! 26 medications (for men) to 0 (for women)! It’s time to even the score for  sexual medicines for women, access to care and the right for sexual pleasure

About Dr. Krychman

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Michael L. Krychman, MDCM, is the Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine located in Newport Beach California.  He is the former Co Director of The Sexual Medicine and Rehabilitation Program at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer. He also is a clinical sexologist and has completed his Masters in Public Health and Human Sexuality.  Dr Krychman has a degree in Erotology, Sexual Education and Forensic Sexology.  Dr Krychman is also an AASECT certified sexual counselor. He is on faculty at University of Southern California.  He is an Associate Clinical Professor at the University of California Irvine, Division of Gynecological Oncology and the Medical Director of Ann’s Clinic, a high-risk program for Breast and Ovarian Cancer Survivors.

His special interests include menopausal health, hormone therapy, sexual pain disorders, and loss of libido, chronic medical illness and its impact on female sexual function as well as breast cancer sexuality. He is a well-known speaker who is featured locally, nationally and internationally.  He has published many articles in peer-reviewed journals and has been featured in many scientific journals and lay magazines.  Dr Krychman is an active reviewer for the Journal of Sexual Medicine. He was the Scientific Chairman for the 2010 International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health annual educational meeting. He is an active member in good standing in NCBC, NAMS, ISSM, ESSM, ISSWSH and AASECT. He has recently been appointed to the Standard Committee for ISSM and has been a guest professor at the ESSM Sexual Medicine Summer School in Oxford, England.   He is a member of the North American Menopause Foundation Board of Directors.  He is the creator of the recent WISH Initiative  (Women’ Initiative on Sexual Health: www.yourvoiceyourwish.com) and the 2013 recipient of the WISH Outstanding Achievement award given by the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.  He is also on the professional advisory board for the Patty Brisben Foundation and BreastCancer.org.  He is writing a monthly column for breastcancer.org entitled SEX Matters.

Dr. Krychman’s has published 6 books including, 100 Questions & Answers for Women Living with Cancer: A Practical Guide to Female Cancer Survivorship has been recently published, 100 Questions and Answers about Women’s Sexual Wellness and Vitality and Breast cancer Sexuality, Sensuality and Intimacy. He has been featured on the Today show and in the New York Times and US News and World Report World Report, The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Health Magazine and many others.

 

“What Do You Do?”

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When we meet someone, one of the first questions people often ask is, “So, what do you do?” As Pure Romance Consultants who are just starting in the business, this can sometimes be a daunting question.  Why? Because we live in a society that still is learning it’s okay to talk openly about sexuality and intimate topics, but our Consultants are the ambassadors blazing a path of improvement in this arena.

When I first started in this business, I’ll never forget when my firstborn son came to me with this very question. High school kids were bullying him at the bus stop when they heard about one of my interviews at a local radio station. They told him, “We know what your mom does!” and like many bullies to this day, they were relentless and ruthless. He came home in tears and told me he knew what I did for a living.

This is when I sat him down for an important talk.  I explained to him that while he and I always didn’t get along, we always made up. However, when his father and I had argued in the past, we weren’t able to “make up.” You, see, I never wanted anyone else’s children to go through that, or their parents for that matter. He began to understand that I was working to help teach moms and parents to communicate better than I had with his father, and maintain important aspects of their relationship that helped them to stay together for life.

I also told him, “You know those kids picking on you at the bus stop? Their moms have been to my parties.”

That was the end of that.

It isn’t easy working in a business that addresses issues around sexuality; that’s why our Consultants are so tough. They are strong, empowered and passionate women who are able to stand tall when certain people don’t understand or question what we do.

When a couple makes a commitment to be together for life, it’s not always easy. Life and relationships are like a changing heartbeat – there’s a beat that speeds up and slows down and we have to work to keep up with it.  There are not many places for couples to go to get answers and be mentored besides doctors and therapists.

If you are a Pure Romance Consultant reading this, below are just a couple pointers on how to show your pride when you tell a new acquaintance what you do.

  • Help them understand that the best gift we can give our children is giving them the opportunity to see their parents happy.
  • Understand there’s a time and a place; you don’t sit down with a young child the first day you get your Pure Romance Kit. You’ll know when they are becoming curious and can truly grasp what we are actually doing for couples and women everywhere.
  • Any one who has been in a long-term relationship knows that they sometimes get put on the back burner. Give examples that relate to their lives and real-life issues in intimacy. We know it’s not just about product. It’s our job to help them understand that.
  • Know your 30-Second Commercial. After hiring one of our new staff members, her father asked her about her new job. She said, “I’ve accepted a position with a successful multi-million dollar international company that specializes in relationship enhancement products.”
  • No matter what you do for a living, you should love it and be proud of it – or else it’s not worth doing!

 

 

Best Birthday Ever

I wanted to take a moment and thank all of you who wished me a Happy Birthday during World Conference this past month; many of you brought me thoughtful gifts such as hand-knit scarves, monogrammed towels, flowers and more! I love having my birthday fall during World Conference because I get to spend it with four thousand of my favorite women, my family, and staff! I really felt I was surrounded with people who genuinely loved and cared about me.

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This year’s event was by far my favorite – I thought that it wouldn’t be possible to outdo the 20th Anniversary last year, but we did it, and it wouldn’t have been possible without all of the Pure Romance Consultants who flew in to our Cincinnati headquarters from all over the world. A big highlight was being able to meet so many of the new faces from the Slumber Parties acquisition and to hear them ask the seasoned Pure Romance Consultants, “Is this for real?” and “Is it always this spectacular?” and be met with a resounding, “Yes!”

We’ve always strived to be a company that listens to its Consultants and puts them first. My goal has always been to live up to this mission and to hear so many women who recently have come on board tell me how thankful they were and how they’d never had an experience like this in their life was truly the best birthday present I could have ever asked for this year.

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For those of you reading this wondering if I actually took down time afterward, I did decide to take a few days to decompress with close family and friends. We bid on an auction item during the Pro-Scan Pink Ribbon Luncheon and won tickets to the Joan Rivers Fashion Police television show taping and Chelsea Lately in Los Angeles. We were so proud to bring gift boxes with our products to the lively hosts because I truly believe they are superior to everything else out there.

It’s so important to take the time to turn your phone off once in a while and connect with those closest to you, embracing the moment. I turned it on here and there for my latest passion – Instagram – so I could take my followers along on the journey. My daughter, Lauren, and my other daughter-in-law, Rachel, couldn’t make the trip so it was a great way for them to tag along through photos.

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We stayed at a gorgeous hotel called the Montage where they brought in fresh flowers every day, and dined at the world-famous restaurant The Ivy. Some other fun birthday treats included Spago Beverly Hills by Wolfgang Puck and Sur where we ran into Lisa Vanderpump and Jax Taylor from “Vanderpump Rules.” Those of you who know me well know that I love to keep my eye on fashion, and it was quite a treat to see a man sitting at breakfast in Beverly Hills sipping on his coffee with red-soled Christian Louboutins (not something you see every day!) I even chatted with a kind stranger who told me he found love in Austria and I should look for romance in New Zealand. Coincidentally, we are already opening New Zealand and have Consultants there ready to help couples find their own romance!

A couple of the women with me on this trip were young moms of children (between the ages of two and 10). I listened to them talk about worries in being away from their kids. This made me think about our own Pure Romance Consultants who left their families to come to World Conference and the advice I give to both is the same. Trips like these are time to give back to yourself. To laugh and giggle. To give yourself some fun. Were there nights on my birthday trip where I maybe had one glass of wine more than I should? Yes! When I indulged in a dessert I’d never eat back home. Yes! Flirted with a handsome man? Yes! When I returned to work I hit the ground running even more re-energized and passionate than before. In many ways, our Consultants who traveled here for World Conference also had a girls’ getaway, giving back to themselves, making new friends and letting go for a few days. Taking a girls’ weekend shouldn’t be left to just a birthday celebration, it’s something I recommend that every woman should do.