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“A Body Too Old for Making Love…”

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An expert on my panel for The Patty Brisben Foundation for Women’s Sexual Health recently sent an article to me called, “He Said Her Body Was Too Old For Making Love. This Is Her Response.” I was astounded. I don’t want to share my personal thoughts until I hear all of yours. I want your real opinions, honest and straightforward. After I’ve read through all of your comments, I will share my point of view.

I’ve also sent this article to two other experts who have worked with Pure Romance for many years, Dr. Ian Kerner and Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, to get their personal feedback and will include their thoughts in my upcoming blog.

I look forward to hearing what YOU think about this! And don’t hold back!

PROFESSIONISTA: Fall Fashion Favorites

Guest Blog by Emily Wall, Pure Romance Professionista StylistPattyBlogEmilyWall_0413

 

 

 

 

While the rest of the world has been indulging in Pumpkin Spice Latte season, I’ve been thinking about something else. Football games? Apple cider? Nah. Not my thing. Big cozy sweaters? That’s more like it. Great flat leather boots? Sign me up. Killer outerwear? You had me at Hello. I think you see where I am headed here. The leaves are going to turn, the temperature is dropping and I have one thing on my mind. FALL FASHION.

As I continue to shop for my fall 2014 wardrobe, I find myself worrying that my wallet is going to hate me. Fall seems to call for a much more indulgent set of wardrobe essentials. Jeans, outerwear, leather boots, go-to sweaters, wool suiting, scarves. If you want to stick to any budget at all, you need to think about where to splurge and where to save.

First, before you do anything I have two things I must strongly suggest. First, be practical about your lifestyle and what your fall wardrobe needs really are. Do you need business professional attire on a weekly basis? You may want to consider putting money towards a pair of booties to go with your great fall dress pants and skirts instead of dumping money towards warm and fuzzy Ugg boots. Are you a business woman who also chases kids around all day? You’ll want to think about spending money on some classic and easy day looks instead of a wintery cocktail dress! In other words, think about what pieces you would wear most. Ideally, you choose the pieces that will give you the best return on your investment. The most wears per dollar. Make sense?

The second thing I suggest women do is shop your closet. Are there any pieces that are looking worn out and due for a replacement? Don’t push your limits. If it looks old and tired it won’t do you any favors. Is there anything that could be altered to fit better or look more current? Are there any “superstars” you want to continue to highlight this year? Anything you can repurpose and wear in a different way to make it like new? Think outside the box and you may be able to eliminate some things from your shopping list! Oh, and while you are in there … go ahead and clean out the closet! If you have not worn it in years, toss it. I have plenty of tips for the closet purge also … that’s a whole other blog post worth of information!

So now that you have done a little homework you are allowed to finish that fall wardrobe -shopping list. I usually suggest that people come up with one list of NEEDS and essentials, and a shorter list of trendier or fun wish list type pieces. For instance, you may need a new wool blazer for work desperately, but also really want some faux leather leggings. Tackle your essentials first and if there is room left in the budget, then start on the wish list.

Here are just a few things I think it is worth investing a little cash:

  1. Flat leather boots: You want these to be a signature part of your fall wardrobe so consider spending a little more on a comfortable pair that you love. Flat boots can be versatile. I wear mine with leggings, great oversized sweater and some statement earrings for a casual put-together Sunday look. I also pair mine with tights, a shift dress and leather jacket for a classic work look during the week.
  2. Killer coat: Okay, I will be the first to admit I am not one of those people that collects great coats. I don’t even really like wearing them. I do, however, hate being cold so they are a necessary evil in my book, and you better bet if I am going to get one I am going to get one I love and one that can take a beating while still making people turn their heads when I walk in the door. You want your coat to fulfill its purpose – to keep you warm. This may mean you have to spend a little more to get one that really fights the temperature. While you’re at it, you might as well get one that makes other people stop and mention how much they love your coat, right?! One that you love and which completes your look, letting you walk out the door feeling confident and warm!
  3.  Long sleeve dress: One that fits fantastically and allows for versatility. This dress could be the real work horse of your fall wardrobe so take the time to try on several and spend a little more if the one you love is not the cheapest one on the rack. This piece can be reinvented a million different ways with accessories, scarves, and jackets. You’ll be able to wear it for daytime events, work functions and maybe even a date night.
  4. Tights/opaques: It pays to spend a little more for a few mid-range pairs of great tights. Ones that won’t run or rip and can stand to be put in the wash (on most delicate COLD cycle, of course) I know it seems silly, but trust me. Invest in at least three pairs of good tights this year and you will never turn back! Note from Patty’s desk: My favorite tights are those that have the built-in spanx; they’re high wasted and go up to the bottom of the bra. It allows me to wear most dresses without even reaching for the traditional waste-targeting Spanx! Best investment piece ever!

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There are also a few things where we can all save:

  1.  Leather accents or … faux leather accents: Leather is still on trend in Fall 2014 and you can find the look at any price point. Look for jackets with faux leather panels, THICK leggings with some leather down the side or even tops with faux leather detail.
  2. Sweaters: I am really having an internal struggle with this one. There is definitely an argument to putting sweaters under the “invest” list, but when it came down to it I just think there are so many options at any price point, its worth picking up one that is a steal. Sure you can spend a lot on cashmere and other luxe wool fabrics, but you can get a lot of look from a great cotton blend sweater also.
  3. Scarves: The options are endless! Scarves may be fall’s most essential accessory, but save your money for a fun night out with your friends and family instead of breaking the bank for a scarf. Stock up on budget friendly versions to create endless looks with your fall basics. You could have a scarf for every mood!
  4. Basic long sleeve tees: Come fall and winter these are layering pieces that usually go somewhat unnoticed so it’s okay to look for a good basic style for a few dollars. Note from Patty’s desk: One of my favorite dressy and casual tees is the Eileen Fisher Tee. It is made of the softest material, yet has a very dressy look to it. It was a great investment piece for me. While most black Tees tend to fade, with this brand I’ve found that if I wash it on the delicate and cold cycle, and lay it flat to dry, the color lasts for over a year! I’ve had that same Tee for two years and it looks brand new.
  5. Denim jackets: Another versatile piece for fall. I like a denim jacket paired with a casual dress and boots for a chic daytime look or with straight black pants and simple Tee and flats for a casual weekend look. I love the idea of finding a great worn-in denim jacket or scouring vintage stores for one with the attitude already built it.

 

Return of the Sex Kitten

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There’s nothing sexy about breast pumps, pacifiers and stepping over toys on the way to the bedroom. As a mother of four, I know parenthood is one of the most amazing blessings life can offer, but I also know you have to work that much harder to make sure your relationship is getting the attention it deserves. We are so focused on the children, and understandably so. But it’s SO important to still feel sexy and feel like a woman again. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to boost your self-confidence and get out of the post-baby funk many of us often drift into before we even know it’s happening. It can be scary to break out of the routine, but it’s that adrenaline that will fuel your intimate life and get the fire going again, I can promise you. Until you change the game, it’s not going to happen on its own.

We are creatures of habit. If we don’t get out of our comfort zone and force ourselves to try new things, that’s when we end up getting into that ho-hum boring rut. It’s up to us to work to make things new and challenging – and I mean that in the most positive way. I’ve walked in your shoes. It won’t change on its own – in fact, it will be very uncomfortable before you can find yourself again!

We were raised to believe that men are knights on a white horse who are going to save us and solve all of our problems. Sometimes you have to be your own savior. You have to set the bar. If you want something, don’t wait for it to come to you, go after it!

In relationships, sometimes it seems like all of the pressure is on women to be seductive, but this shouldn’t be the case. You should both be working to improve intimacy. And here’s the thing: once you take that first step, I promise you that it will create a (very pleasurable) domino effect. Your partner will notice something is different and begin creating new responses among old behaviors.

When kids are involved, men also can worry about “rocking the boat,” or coming off as needy when you have your hands full with the children. Taking initiative and showing him that you see your relationship with him just as important is the first step to reconnecting and being on your way back to a second honeymoon.

Below are a couple fun game-changers that will get you started…(don’t feel like every single suggestion has to be a perfect fit for you!)

1. There’s nothing sexier than cooking a meal together! (This is one of my favorites!)

2. Throw on a pair of sexy high heels once in a while

3. Sometimes it’s hard to open up to one another – play any one of the Pure Romance “Date Night” games to open the doors of communication and also try something new

4. Stop by the makeup counter next time you’re at the mall and have a professional demo a brand new look on you that will make him feel like he’s seeing you for the first time!

5. Wear a wig – in or out of the bedroom…

6. Take story time to a whole new level by reading him some erotica

7. Slip on a long strand of pearls with only a silk top and thong (or nothing at all); think Carrie in Sex and the City, the movie.

8. When you get up and move, you feel better; get active – whether it’s a “Pole Dancing” class, yoga or other fun/sexually-charged fitness (think Zumba) classes that will also get you feeling wonderful (and sexy!) in your own skin again

9. It’s no secret men are visual. One night, tell him where to meet you and show up wearing something completely unexpected.

10. Plan a party with your closest girlfriends and include a hair stylist, makeup artist fashion stylist, and Pure Romance Consultant and do a group makeover!

New York Fashion Week

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Many Pure Romance Professionistas reading this have had the pleasure of meeting my favorite Saks Fifth Avenue Personal Stylist and Pure Romance Professionista Stylist, Emily Wall. This month, Saks Fifth Avenue surprised both of us with a short getaway to New York City for world-famous New York Fashion Week!

Anytime I travel with Emily to New York, it always promises fun-filled days. Although I’ve been to the “city that never sleeps” many times over the years, I continue to challenge myself to stay a student and learn something new during every visit there. It’s not hard to do in a city that is so vibrant and alive with culture, fashion, inspiration and drama. My latest passion is using platforms like Instagram and Facebook to take my family and Pure Romance Consultants “along with me” on every journey. Each photo I take, I think about how it might inspire our Consultants, help our company grow or provide insight to a friend or family member down the road.

When we first set foot in New York, we headed straight for my favorite lunch spot, Todd English at The Plaza Hotel. I always order their amazing sushi, and I also shared some of Emily’s gluten free pasta (top of my list on the menu if and when you ever visit there).  Afterwards, we returned to our beautiful hotel, Langham Place on Fifth Avenue. I absolutely LOVE this hotel – remember Cheers, when you walk in and everyone knows your name? It was just like this; how every single staff member remembers who you are and greets you every time you walk in is completely astounding. The customer service was unmatched and was truly a home away from home.

Another highlight of the trip was a stop by Piranesi (world-famous jewelry “designers for the Stars”) – I’m very proud to share that they are currently designing pieces for Pure Romance as we speak, but you’ll have to wait to learn more! Piranesi owners and husband and wife, Sami and Miriam and their son, and Piranesi designers and engaged partners, Reagan and Teddy, took us to a renowned seafood restaurant called Estiatorio Milos in Midtown Manhattan. The restaurant is famous for its fresh fish, which is flown in from all over the world. The best way to describe it was like having access to a fish market inside the restaurant but WITHOUT the odor.  The fish was unlike anything I’ve ever tasted in my whole life!

That night when I returned to my room, a surprise was waiting for me: Cincinnati and New York Saks Fifth Avenue stores had delivered a vase of beautiful white roses, my favorite Joe Malone candle and lotion and Christian Louboutin nail polish. I’m often the one surprising everyone so it was a nice treat to walk in to such an unexpected gift. I felt like a giddy young girl again calling Emily, and taking photos of everything to remember the experience.

I can’t end this blog without talking about fashion. My favorite show by far was the Carmen Marc Valvo Runway Show. I had runway front row seats and was 15 feet from where they actually walked out to the runway. It literally took my breath away – when I watch Fashion Police in Los Angeles last month, they talked about how runway clothing goes through many variations by the time it hits the clothes racks in day-to-day retail. I could see first-hand how this happens because some of the dresses on the runway were made with sheer fabrics and beautiful raw materials you just don’t see on the street every day. Although the show was at 2:00 p.m., it was just as fun to watch the buzz and crowd bustle around Lincoln Center before the show – fashion-forward people from around the world were gathered together to showcase their creations and there was suddenly a mini pre-fashion show before the real one even began.

I also had the chance to visit the St. Johns showroom and enjoy my very own 2015 buying experience. I’m so thankful to Saks Fifth Avenue for this wonderful trip that I will never forget. Sometimes in life, we have to look for new “firsts.” We have to step outside the box and look for experiences that change our lives, no matter where we are in our lives. You have to make things happen and not wait for them to happen. At least a handful times a year, I challenge all of you to try things that you would never imagine, keep a bucket list and then JUST DO IT, because life is short. To have this new experience this past month, I wouldn’t trade it for everything. I LOVED IT!

Pure Romance Mantra

Dr. Krychman is a renowned doctor of sexual medicine, a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist, and a clinical sexual counselor and author. He has devoted his career to helping patients and their partners overcome sexual health challenges and experience a higher quality of physical intimacy. Dr. Krychman is also a specialist in survivorship medicine and provides life coaching and care plans to optimize the health and wellness of patients with chronic diseases or cancer. We were very fortunate to have him speak at our World Conference here in Cincinnati, Ohio, this past August. Please scroll down to read his full biography.

Below is a wonderful “mantra” he recently shared with me that helps keep you and our customers focused on the importance of fostering intimacy in our relationships, and as an acronym for PURE ROMANCE, it should be pretty easy to remember!

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P          PLEASURE

Focus on sexual pleasure rather than performance

Take your time

U         UNDERSTANDING

Listen to your partner

Understand and accept your own sexual needs

R         ROMANCE

Sensual intimacy and romance can be rekindled – send love notes/text and fall in love all over again

E          EXCITEMENT

Novelty is sexy

Try something new – new sexual location, position or time of the day to be intimate

 

R         RELAX

Daily stress is a sexual buzz kill

Sex need not be a quick event – take your time

O         OUTERCOURSE

Sexual activity is not only intercourse – enjoy sensual foreplay, oral pleasure and explore all your erogenous zones

M        MINDFULNESS

Staying focused and concentrating on your own sexual response can help improve it.

Try yoga, mindfulness or meditation

A         ACCESSORIES

Lubricants, vibrators, c-rings, feathers and sexual games can enhance and excite

N         NAUGHTY and NICE

Vary sexual behavior, positions and locations – sex should be hot, erotic and sensual

C         CHECK UP   

Be sure to see your health care professional. Sexuality is both medical and psychological.  Medical cause of sexual problems due to hormonal imbalance, medical illness, and medications can impact the sexual response and can be treated by a sexual medicine specialist

E          EQUALITY

Fight for equality! 26 medications (for men) to 0 (for women)! It’s time to even the score for  sexual medicines for women, access to care and the right for sexual pleasure

About Dr. Krychman

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Michael L. Krychman, MDCM, is the Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine located in Newport Beach California.  He is the former Co Director of The Sexual Medicine and Rehabilitation Program at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer. He also is a clinical sexologist and has completed his Masters in Public Health and Human Sexuality.  Dr Krychman has a degree in Erotology, Sexual Education and Forensic Sexology.  Dr Krychman is also an AASECT certified sexual counselor. He is on faculty at University of Southern California.  He is an Associate Clinical Professor at the University of California Irvine, Division of Gynecological Oncology and the Medical Director of Ann’s Clinic, a high-risk program for Breast and Ovarian Cancer Survivors.

His special interests include menopausal health, hormone therapy, sexual pain disorders, and loss of libido, chronic medical illness and its impact on female sexual function as well as breast cancer sexuality. He is a well-known speaker who is featured locally, nationally and internationally.  He has published many articles in peer-reviewed journals and has been featured in many scientific journals and lay magazines.  Dr Krychman is an active reviewer for the Journal of Sexual Medicine. He was the Scientific Chairman for the 2010 International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health annual educational meeting. He is an active member in good standing in NCBC, NAMS, ISSM, ESSM, ISSWSH and AASECT. He has recently been appointed to the Standard Committee for ISSM and has been a guest professor at the ESSM Sexual Medicine Summer School in Oxford, England.   He is a member of the North American Menopause Foundation Board of Directors.  He is the creator of the recent WISH Initiative  (Women’ Initiative on Sexual Health: www.yourvoiceyourwish.com) and the 2013 recipient of the WISH Outstanding Achievement award given by the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.  He is also on the professional advisory board for the Patty Brisben Foundation and BreastCancer.org.  He is writing a monthly column for breastcancer.org entitled SEX Matters.

Dr. Krychman’s has published 6 books including, 100 Questions & Answers for Women Living with Cancer: A Practical Guide to Female Cancer Survivorship has been recently published, 100 Questions and Answers about Women’s Sexual Wellness and Vitality and Breast cancer Sexuality, Sensuality and Intimacy. He has been featured on the Today show and in the New York Times and US News and World Report World Report, The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Health Magazine and many others.