Reality in Your Relationship

If fairy tales weren’t big business then Disney wouldn’t be making over $40 billion dollar a year and The Bachelor wouldn’t be in its 15^th season with over 7 million viewers weekly.

However, with that said, you can’t expect to have a healthy relationship magically. There is no single kiss to awaken (and sustain) your relationship and there are no event planners constructing your dates to make them infinitely perfect. You have to do it on your own and grow your relationship with time together, physical touch, intimate rituals, and laughter.

SPOILER ALERT: those contestants you see on reality TV are living in a fairytale land.  It’s a place where they are confined, with limited communication to family, friends, and the outside world. Then they’re given a ticket to a ride “theme park of the heart”, which creates a hyper-intimacy in a small period of time. Let’s be real, who wouldn’t want a to go on a date in Tahiti and get a couples massage in a hut lit with candles, fragranced with rose petals, and then dine on gourmet food freshly caught from the ocean? This might be a slight exaggeration, but TV producers know how to create romance and that’s by providing special time together.

However, even though this is in a sense unrealistic, there are lessons that we can take from reality TV and apply to our own relationships.  First, it starts with making time for each other.  In most relationships there is a ‘planner’. This is the person who takes control when it comes to planning the date nights or the romantic moments. My challenge for any couple would be that they to both take equal ownership of the planning.

I know that planning is a learned skill, for some it may come more naturally than to others.  Regardless, it’s important that you recognize the thought and effort that went into the planned adventure and don’t criticize or make comments about how it could have been better.

When it does come to planning, give yourself permission to try something new. Explore the city where you live, sign up for a canvas and cocktail class, go dancing, or take a hike along a nature trail. Looking to add more excitement? Think of dates that really rev up your sense of adventure and kick adrenaline into action. There’s a reason The Bachelor takes a date zip lining! By tackling a physical challenge together, you build immediate intimacy because you are showing your partner your vulnerability, depending on one another, and at the end of the date you have a sense of accomplishment. Plus, that adrenaline rush helps to heighten your senses and gives an extra boost of energy – use it to your advantage! Both the excitement of something new and stepping out of your comfort zone is something that can truly bond a couple.

If you’re looking for something you can do on a budget, think about giving each other a massage. Studies show that your immune system benefits from physical touch. Some people believe that you need to be a licensed massage therapist to give a good massage – that isn’t true. You can educate yourself with books, videos, or call your local Pure Romance Consultant. One of our best selling products is the hot heart massager because it provides a more stimulating experience with introduction of warmth to a massage. Or, turn it up a notch by introducing a bedroom accessory, like a bullet vibrator!  Let your imagination guide you as you take time to explore each other.

I would be amiss if I didn’t mention the importance of rituals in a relationship as well.  Sometimes it is just those simple moments that you share together on a regular basis that can mean so much to your partner. From the cup of coffee you have together in the morning to a simple good night kiss these are GREAT habits.  Those little rituals are sometimes the defining moments that couples crave when it comes to reviving and maintaining the intimacy in a relationship.

Keeping your relationship authentic in a world filled with altered realities like The Bachelor is a must. Change the channel on your relationship and make sure you’re adding healthy habits that make you a stronger couple. Whether you’ve been together ten months or ten years, I hope you’ll incorporate these healthy habits into your relationship every day and make your relationship a priority.